As always, things are always hangat-hangat tahi ayam for me, haha. Guess that is not a good thing. But all praises be to Allah, now I am back in the US. This semester has been going quite smooth for me, cuma ada la lopong-lopong sikit bila semangat tu tak mahu bangkit.
So, as to what I have mentioned in my previous post, I was thinking to make this blog as something beneficial to those of you who are reading. But honestly, right now I am not sure about that. Let us just see the first post as a 'positive opening' to this blog. haha.
Well, have you guys ever heard about how communication makes everything becomes so much easier, and comprehensible? Be it to yourself, or any of the relationships you're having.
My life has always been confusing. I did things I did not mean to do. I did things that are out of my willingness. I had 'relationships' when I did not even enjoy that. Meaning, I did everything according to what other people wanted, but not in a way I wanted it to be. I am not saying I was suffering all this while. It is just that, up till this day, I have never done things of that which I really want. Rather, I would say I am just like the bubbles in the sea, moving to wherever the waves would want to, with me having no substantiate controls or power to move myself around as I please.
As I have witnessed quite few things going around, I just realized that what I lack of is communication. I did not communicate with myself. Sure, I did ask myself of what I wanted before but things just stop there. When I should have made everything clear to myself of how I wanted my life to be. How the validation of people about me is not important. How people think about me does not matter, as long as I am doing the good thing to myself and others. How, there are no such things as black and white in life. And how free, and happy our life could be if we could see the world in a bigger and clearer picture.
A month ago, someone had asked me;
"Aimi, what are the things that you really want in life? The things that finally will make you feel content while doing them, what? What are they?"
I could not say anything. I tried to hold my tears but my nose was already running, lol. I said;
"I don't know."
I lied. At that moment, I already knew what I wanted. But I know it would somehow sound stupid if I told people about that. I was just utterly ashamed of what I really want, my biggest dream. I was ashamed because I think some people might find that unrealistic. But whatever.
I am gonna keep that for my next posts. See ya in anytime.
Salam.
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